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Where have I been for the last week or so? Well, let me tell you.

I got a new job. There are a lot of differences between this job and my old one - some good, some bad. One of the good things is the salary. I don't want to brag, but $7.43/hour is going to buy a lot of beer!

Unfortunately this new position has different job responsibilities - most of which involve actual work. Some things not in the job description are:

• Surfing internet porn
• Watching 80's sitcoms online
• Taking 2-hour liquid lunches
• Napping
• Posting useless crap on the internet
• Working from home on Fridays
• Arriving late
• Leaving early

While I used to have eight hours in the day to stare at the wall, waiting for a thought to enter my head, I now have to fit this into my evenings, which is when I usually like to get shit-faced.

How did my priorities get so out-of-whack?

This is one wise chick

CHOOSE TO BOOZE

Today in history

1825 - Walter Hunt patented the safety pin and then sold the rights for $400. That's gotta at least be a billion dollar industry, right?

1994 - O.J. Simpson was questioned by Los Angeles police concerning the deaths of his ex-wife and her friend, Ronald Goldman.

In case you care, these bitches turn 20 today:

Van Halen fans: you might want to skip this

Check out David Lee Roth on Leno last night

Things haven't gone so well for principals from 80's movies

I recently learned that the principal from "The Breakfast Club" died.

'Breakfast Club' actor Gleason dead at 67

And a few years ago, the principal from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" was accused of hiring a 14-year-old boy to pose for sexually explicit photographs.

Click here for his Florida Sex Offender registration