Saturday, July 30, 2005

Drunken Lego Wirthy in the Movies

There's nothing on!

Over 150 channels.
9 HBOs.
2 The Movie Channels.
6 more movie channels.
22 Pay Per View channels.

And I'm watching Jerry Maguire on TBS.

Introducing Drunken Lego Melissa

Last night, Drunken Lego Wirthy and his girlfriend, Drunken Lego Melissa, had dinner at the new P.F. Changs restaurant. That was followed by much drinking and much passing out.

Today in history

579 - Benedict I ends his reign as Catholic Pope.

657 - St Vitalian begins his reign as Catholic Pope. From 579 to 657, the Catholic Church was run by interim and assistant Popes.

1729 - City of Baltimore founded. It had been losted for years.

1977 - I get a gay photo taken of myself.

2000 - Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt were married.

2003 - Pitt to Aniston: "Hey Jen, you know who seems like a swell lady? That Angelina Jolie."

Friday, July 29, 2005

Home Sweet Home

Microsoft's Virtual Earth has decent satellite photos of my hometown, Munich, ND.

Census figures usually state the town's population is about 310, but there only seemed to be about 50 people living there.

Main Street is less than a half mile long.

There are three churches. One gas station. A bowling alley (four lanes). One school. One grocery store (in the 80's, there were two!). One bank. No movie theater. No strip clubs. And the worst part of living in a small town: only one bar!

click on photo

I gotta get me one of these

Japanese develop 'female' android

Today in history

1968 - Pope Paul VI declares any artificial forms of birth control prohibited. Only George Foreman (10 kids) and Shawn Kemp (7 kids with 6 different women) appear to listen.

1974 - I'm just chillin' in mom's womb.

1981 - Prince Charles of England weds Lady Diana Spencer. (Over the years, many events would affect this marriage: they divorce, she dies, he gets remarried to, what appears to be, another man.)

1991 - Donald Trump gives Marla Maples a 7+ carat engagement ring.

1999 - Donald Trump wishes he hadn't given Marla Maples a 7+ carat engagement ring.

Geddy Lee, of my least favorite rock band, Rush, turns 52.


I just woke up, sort of lying on my bed. Lights on. Completely clothed. It's 12:43am.

According to my cell phone, I talked to my girlfriend at 10:53pm. Using that information, along with other clues, I am able to form a timeline of the night's events:

I think I got home from the bar sometime between 10:00pm and 10:30pm. Instead of immediately changing clothes and going to bed, I just collapse on my bed to rest "for a minute." That one minute turns into 120 minutes.

I really didn't drink all that much tonight - maybe six or seven beers and a vodka-Red Bull or two. The problem with drinking when you got cerebral (cereberal, cerebrel?) palsy (palsey?) (you'd think I'd learn how to spell the goddamn disease) is that, when you start drinking, it's like you've already had 10 drinks.

Oh well, that's the way it goes. At least tomorrow (or today, actually) is Work-From-Home-Friday.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Today in history

1933 - Spain recognizes the U.S.S.R. "Hey, you know who that is over there? It's the U.S.S.R.!"

1967 Lori Loughlin was born. (Chick who was banging Uncle Jesse in Full House.)

1972 - Elizabeth Berkley was born. (Star of Showgirls, the worst, I mean best, no, worst, umm, best, worst movie ever.

2000 - Kathie Lee Gifford made her final appearance as co-host of the ABC talk show "Live with Regis and Kathie Lee." Regis would eventually replace her with a hotter Kathie Lee.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

No way is she worth 40 goats!

Clinton offered 40 goats, 20 cows to marry Chelsea

Today in history

1984 - Reds' Pete Rose collects record 3,053rd career single (vs Phila) . Also collects $5,000 from bet on previous night's Orioles vs. Red Sox game.

1984 -Greatest movie ever, "Purple Rain," opened in the U.S.

1985 - I sit on my ass all night, watching CHIPs and The Love Boat.

1991 -Rocker Jani Lane, (Warrant) marries model Bobbie Brown.

1991 - Bryan Adams’ (Everything I Do) I Do It For You hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, up about 90 spots from Warrant's "I Saw Red."

1992 - In a drunken haze, I completely forget that I am enrolled in summer school.

2004 - Rocker Jani Lane eats 12 cheeseburgers.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Another reason to never get pregnant

Previously I posted this reason to never get pregnant.

Pop princess Britney Spears gives us another one. There's something different about one of these pictures. Hmm...

Drunken Lego Wirthy at shuttle launch

Drunken Lego Wirthy with Columbia flight crew

Drunken Lego Wirthy with great seats for take off

Lift off!

Other Drunken Lego Wirthy photos

Now that's a cool mom

"Cool mom" charged after hosting year of sex, booze, drug shindigs

This story seemed hotter before I saw her photo.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Ted, let's do lunch

Apparently my office is just a few blocks away from where former baseball great and former alive guy, Ted Williams, is being frozen in liquid nitrogen.

Maybe we could do lunch sometime. Probably not Mexican food though - nothing too spicy for Ted.

click on photo to enlarge

Saturday, July 23, 2005

My drunk anniversary

Today marks the one year anniversary of I didn't have that domain name when I posted my first entry. It took a while to save up the $9 to register it.

When I wrote that I doubted anyone would ever read this blog, I could never have imagined someday I would have as many as six faithful readers.

I would like to take this time to review some of my favorite posts from the past year.

Some of my favorite entries occurred when I was drunk. In More MacGyver , I analyzed why MacGyver doesn't like alcohol or guns. Many of my posts have dealt with the 80's action show. Recipe for fun recounts my night of drinking with MacGyver and a Charles Barkley bobblehead doll.

In The one for me I realized my perfect woman.

I'm far from a movie critic, but I've reviewed some of the worst movies made:
The Day After Tomorrow
The Whole Ten Yards

I also love to comment on award shows:
2005 Academy Awards - And the winner for Best Motion Picture is "Pleasure Zone: Foreign Affairs."
2005 MTV Movie Awards - Hey, Katie Holmes brought her dad out. Oh wait, that's Tom Cruise.

While most of my blog deals with trivial topics, occasionally I take on serious matters like Teacher-Student Sex Scandals.

Earlier this year, entire country was discussing Terry Schiavo. I was no exception:
In No More News Terry Schiavo dies and the world runs out of news to report.
My Living Will - If I'm ever on life support, I want my wishes to be followed.

When Pope John Paul II died, I was quick to apply for the job:
Please consider me for Pope - Of the 10 Commandments, I've only broken the trivial ones.

I gave my readers a glimpse into my origins in A little about me.

Regular readers know that I am strongly against marriage and children. I think everyone would agree that this is a great Reason to Never Get Pregnant.

As my blog began getting more hits, I started examining how people were coming across it. It turns out that a lot of people are interested in seeing Alyssa Milano naked.

Not long ago, I introduced Drunken Lego Wirthy. Maybe he'll make a return appearance soon.

So here's to my first year of blogging and to many more years of me wasting away my life, sitting alone, drunk, at my computer, watching the world pass me by.

Friday, July 22, 2005

I'd rather watch girls' basketball

Tonight I went to an IFMA Freestyle Motocross. It was my first motorcross event.

I saw a guy do a bunch of flips and jumps on a motorcycle, and then I saw 11 more people do the exact same flips and jumps throughout the next two hours.

At least I was in a luxury suite and there was beer.

Yeah, this will scare them terrorists

'Raging Grannies' want to enlist, go to Iraq

Actually, this could be a good way to get rid of some our useless old people.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

This guy is the reason I'm still alive today

Gerry Thomas, father of the TV Dinner, dead at 83

To honor him, tonight I will be having a quiet dinner at home consisting of salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, corn and a fudge brownie, all neatly served in individual plastic compartments.