Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Drink, drank, drunk

What's wrong with me? I used to be able to type funny shit when I would spend a night alone, getting drunk, during the week, watching 80's shows like "Knight Rider" and "MacGyver." That's what I did tonight and...nothing...I got not a goddamn funny thing to type.

It's nearly midnight. I've gone through a couple beers, a couple screwdrivers and a bottle of merlot. Tomorrow is a work day, but fuck it! If I don't pass out while going to the bathroom, I'm heading out to the patio for a beer.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Have a good day at work, honey.

Usually when girlfriend spends the night, I send her packing when I leave for work around 6:30am. But she had today off so I told her to stay as long as she wanted.

Instead of sleeping in, she woke up early, made me a cup of coffee "to go," and sent me off to work.

Damn! We're becoming a little too domestic. Tonight we better get drunk and yell at each other; get things back to the way they should be.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Today in history

1980 - AC/DC singer Bon Scott fell unconscious and died in a friend's car after a drinking bout that lasted all night. This has to be Brian Johnson's favorite day in history.

Kodak moment

As mentioned below, you have to love friends who go through the work of positioning passed-out people in funny positions. And you gotta love camera phones.

I doubt girlfriend would like this picture so I blacked out her face (it's normally not so dark). But you really can't embarrass me. Who am I trying to impress?

Monday, February 20, 2006

Weekend crap

I still can't stand kids.

After spending an entire day with only women and kids, I badly needed to see another man (gay?).

Thank God for friends and camera phones. When I pass out after a night of drinking, my friends can put me on top of passed out girlfriend and take nice pictures.

Did you hear that girlfriend won the Powerball Lottery this weekend? Well, she did - a whole $7! Some other guy in Nebraska won $360 million...big deal.

Try this out.

Friday, February 17, 2006

I'm retro, baby!

When I was a youngster, years before my drinking days, when my life still had promise, I got an Atari 2600 for Christmas. My brother and I spent countless hours playing games like Berzerk, Pitfall, Pac-Man and Basketball (this one provided minutes of fun).

For well over a decade, my beloved Atari had been locked away in a box, deep in a basement in rural North Dakota. But no more! I have rescued it and it now can regain its former glory in my spare bedroom.

Last night I played the same games I did when I was nine, except this time I was drunk. And if you look closely at the picture, you will also see a Sega Genesis. Nice.

Today in history

1949 - My dad was born; an event that would eventually lead to this guy being born:

1963 - Minor league baseball player Michael Jordan was born.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Valentine's Day Aftermath

Could there be a better way to spend Valentine's Day than drinking all night with your buddies while your girlfriend is at work? Nope!

And what better way to recover from a Valentine hangover than "working" from home on a Wednesday?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Today in history

1984 - Elton John married Renate Blauel.

He later married this girl:

1989 - Tone Loc's "Wild Thing" topped the charts. Those were good days.

2006 - Unable to come up with a good Valentine's Day gift, I gave girlfriend two bottles of her favorite wine. I might have gone to this "go to" gift too many times 'cause I don't think she was impressed.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Hometown fans

It has been brought to my attention that I have some faithful readers in my hometown. They work at the town's bank.

If any of you read this post, could you please do me a favor? Send me my dad's bank account balance. Thanks.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


Guidelines for "Half-Nekkid Thursday
My HNT Archive

What others are doing this week

Drunken Grammy thoughts

Sitting outside, drinking, flipping through channels and found The Grammys. Figured it's been a while since I've done any drunken thoughts about a stupid awards show. So, here we go...

Does it suck being the drummer for U2. Nobody knows his name or what he looks like. He probably tells women in bars that he is the drummer for U2 and they never believe him.

Kanye West wins best rap album. Wonder why he's wearing black gloves. He probably just committed a crime.

Gwen Stefani is fat. Girlfriend just told me she is pregnant but that's still no excuse.

U2 just won best rock album. That drummer guy should wear the Grammy around his neck tonight.

Mariah Carey's hips are wider than my car.

The fact that Kelly Clarkson is now a multiple Grammy winner really cheapens the value of a Grammy. She just rattled off 2,300 words in 30 seconds without taking a breath. Someone should lay off the crack.

It's now 9:00pm and it's getting cold outside but Girlfriend is playing Sonic the Hedgehog on my big screen so I guess I'll stick it out.

That Fantasia is one scary-looking chick!

Steven Tyler and Joe Perry are performing. They never bring the other Aerosmith guys out with them. Wonder where they are. Probably hanging out with U2's bass player and drummer.

I'm bored with the Grammys. Going to play Sega.

Today in history

1961 - Motley Crue's Vince Neil was born.

He was later eaten by this guy:

1968 - Gary Coleman was born.

1992 - Clearly a great day in music, "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred peaks at #1.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Tonight it's me and The Hedgehog

Girlfriend and I have been dating for a while now. I thought she knew me pretty well. She knows my fascination with the 80's. She knows I asked my mom to send me my old Atari and that I constantly scan eBay for an original Nintendo. She's seen my iPod filled with nothing but "hair metal."

So last night she says that she has an old Sega Genesis in her closet. 15 months of dating and she finally mentions this?! What's next: "Did I tell you I'm four months pregnant?"

Anyway, tonight I party with Sonic The Hedgehog!

Here's some upcoming movies you might want to check out

Brokeback To The Future (I knew there was more to Marty's and Doc's relationship than they let on)

Top Gun 2: Brokeback Squadron

Friday, February 03, 2006

Today in history

1959 - A plane crash near Clear Lake, Iowa, claimed the lives of rock 'n' roll stars Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P. ''The Big Bopper'' Richardson. If it wasn't for this single event, Lou Diamond Phillips would have had no career at all. By the way, Phillips' first wife left him for Melissa Etheridge. That's gotta suck!

Richie will finally be able to indulge in Bon Jovi groupies backstage

Too bad they are now all 40 years old and fat.

Locklear and Sambora divorce

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Damn, Full House would be a great show if it was still on the air

"Full House" Star Admits Meth Problem

I think it's time for a Full House reunion.

Uncle Jesse's marriage to the chick from X-Men falls apart.

Stephanie is all tweaked out, constantly banging her head on walls. Uncles Joey and Jesse sit at the edge of her bed, explaining why she shouldn't do drugs, date boys or wear makeup.

Danny is stuck directing Norm Macdonald projects, wishing he had ridden the America's Funniest Home Videos gravy train to the bitter end.

D.J. goes on to an acting career but constantly wonders: If a movie is made, goes straight to video and is seen by no one, is it still a movie?

Uncle Joey is on Skating with Celebrities, praying nobody will ever question his "celebrity" status.

Little Michelle magically morphs into two teenage billionaire sluts.

Having nothing better to do, Kimmy Gibbler has remained on the set of Full House for the last 11 years.

Happy Groundhog Day

Rerun HNT

I've been running low on creativity lately so this week I bring you a rerun HNT.

What is...HNT

Guidelines for "Half-Nekkid Thursday
My HNT Archive

What others are doing this week

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

A family portrait

Here is visual proof that my parents really came down to visit me. I'm sure the relatives in the middle wouldn't want to be featured on this site, so I disguised their true identities.

Today in history

2004 - Janet Jackson whipped out her boob during the Super Bowl halftime show. The entire country proceeded to flip out.