Saturday, May 28, 2005


I've gone houseboatin'. Be back on Friday.

Don't you be clicking on all the ads on this site, while I'm gone.

Vintage photo

Drunken thoughts on peoples' thoughts about Steve Nash

"For a guy that size, ok, to change a team around, to make them jump like that, is a magnificent feat." -- Nate "Tiny" Archibald

A lot of people this season have made similar comments: how much of an impact Steve Nash has had this year, despite being so small.

I think what they really want to say is "despite being so white."

This has gotta stop!

Can't the TV industry just agree that this show should signal the end of reality television?

People search for the damnedest things

A week or so ago, I reported that a lot of people come across my site by searching for Alyssa Milano naked.

Apparently a lot of people out there are searching for chicks with dicks too.

I wonder if there is anyone who is interested in both Alyssa Milano naked and chicks with dicks. Probably not.

'Breakfast Club' to reunite

'Breakfast Club' Cast to Reunite on MTV

Somehow MTV got Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, Anthony Michael Hall and Judd Nelson to agree to this. At this point, if I were to pay their air fare, I could probably get these people to appear in my living room.

Emilio Estevez isn't confirmed because he probably thinks he's too big. Since 2000, he's been in one movie that nobody saw and probably is waiting for someone to make "Mighty Ducks 4" or "Young Guns III."

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Oh how the mighty fall

It's Wednesday night and I'm drunk, looking up TV shows from my youth on the internet.

Somehow, I remember a show called "Street Hawk" which aired only 13 episodes in 1985. Actually I can remember really loving this show (keep in mind, I was only 11).

It starred a guy named Rex Smith who enjoyed a stint as a teen idol in the late 70's with a top-10 single, "You Take My Breath Away" and was in a decent number of TV shows in the 80's and 90's.

Anyway, now he's a realtor.

American Idol

I just found out, from the internet, who is the new American Idol.

I also learned that tonight is the season finale and I didn't watch a single episode.

In related news, this is the fourth season of the show, and I've missed all four.

What the hell have I been doing all the nights American Idol has been on? Going out, drinking and, in general, not being totally gay.

Detective Shaq?

Somehow I think this is going to make things easier for sex predators

Shaq helps task force track Internet sex predators

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I might have a problem

I think the advertising on this site is trying to tell me something.

I used Google's AdSense advertising program to generate income from this site. Apparently Google scans each site for content and then places appropriate ads, based on that content.

As I write this post, here are the ads that appear on this site: - A reality based, holistic addiction treatment program. - Affordable and successful rehab. The future or recovery is here. - Alcohol and drug treatment. Free online assessment & referrals We can help you achieve recovery! - Learn the truth about alcohol. Get our free online guide.

I'm sensing a pattern here.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Fallen Soldier

A little about me

Now that a lot more people (six or seven) than just my friends read this site, I thought I'd write a little about myself.

I was born in 1974 with cerebral palsy. 30 years ago, doctors did not have the medical knowledge of this disability that they have now.

After my birth, the doctors approached my parents with a new, controversial treatment plan. They believed alcohol, administered constantly and often, could decrease the effects of the cerebral palsy. There would, however, be one side effect: I would surely become dependent upon alcohol.

After a few days of contemplation, Mom and Dad decided to follow the doctors' suggestions.

So, how did everything turn out?

Well, I'm still crippled and I can't stop drinking.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Iraqi Family Starts New Life in North Dakota

First this poor woman's husband is shot and killed and then American troops send her and her family to North Dakota. Could it get any worse for her?

As a former Dakotan, here's some advice: buy a coat, 'cause it's gonnat get f'ing cold!

Full story

Saturday, May 21, 2005

If it's not too much to ask...

Could a couple thousand of you buy this shirt?

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I'm going to hell

I just took this test and found out I'm going to hell. That's OK. All my friends will be there.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

People really want Alyssa Milano naked

The Visitor Counter on the right side of my homepage shows me how people find my site.

At least once a day, someone stumbles upon it by searching for Alyssa Milano naked on Google, Yahoo or other search engines.

By the way, if you want to see Alyssa Milano naked, click here.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Plant that curbs binge drinking

Study: Kudzu helps curb binge drinking

I doubt this would reduce my drinking. The researcher speculated that kudzu increases blood alcohol levels and speeds up its effects, meaning that a person needs fewer beers to feel drunk. For me, however, feeling drunk has never stopped me from drinking more.

The article says that other scientists found the herb to be effective in reducing alcohol intake on rats. In general, I assume being a laboratory rat isn't that great. But if you are one, these are the kind of studies you live for.

I can only think of one possible benefit this plant would have for me. If I gave it to my date, I could get her to that "putting out" level with buying fewer drinks.

Dear phone book company:

Please quit leaving new phone books on my driveway.

Because I have the internet, electricity and the ability to type, I no longer have the need for a 4-inch thick, 5 pound book.

For the past few years, these books have gone straight from my driveway to my garbage dumpster. I don't even bother to recycle them. So, I would appreciate your prompt attention to this matter.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Who's gay now?

A friend of mine called me gay for including my girlfriend in a list of things I love (3 or 4 entries below).

Well Friday night, this friend went to see the Ashton Kutcher/Amanda Peet movie "A Lot Like Love," which is described as a romantic comedy about destiny, connection and the frequently fuzzy line between chance friendships and happily ever after.

He's calling me gay?!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

This is minutes of fun

Click here for the virtual stripper.

Type what you want her to do.

She does the obvious stuff like "strip" and "dance" but won't do things like "die," "break arm," or "snort coke."

Try typing "eat" and "money,"

Drunken Dream

Last night, after numerous Miller Lites and a couple vodka-Red Bulls, I had a dream that I worked for the A&E channel.

Harry Smith, host of "Biography," died unexpectedly and I approached the network's executives with the idea of featuring him on an episode of "Biography."

I was fired.

Then I got up to pee.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

It takes two?

I love going on's You Tell Us page to read what stupid kids think of current affairs.

This week, Cara, 20, is appalled by the accusations made by former American Idol contestant, Corey Clark, that he and Paula Abdul had a sexual relationship.

"If Paula Abdul had any kind of relationship with him, keep in mind that it takes two people to have sex. "
Silly, Cara - If it takes two people to have sex, then what is it that I've been doing by myself, five times a week, for the past 15 years?

Things I love

Girlfriend and beer (not necessarily in that order).

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Go booze go!

First they said that drinking can reduce a person's chance of heart disease, and now drinking can help protect kidneys.

I'm glad to see booze starting to get some good press. I have survived on it, alone, for ten years.

I might be pregnant

I frequently experience #4, #5 and #6.

10 Signs That You Might Be Pregnant

Friday, May 06, 2005

Bad Son

I am a bad, cheap son.

Earlier this week, I was ordering Mother's Day flowers for my mom on The flowers were $29.99 and came with a free vase. Sounded good to me. But when I got to the Confirm Order screen, I noticed a $9.99 shipping fee. I closed down the window and put my credit card away.

Mom will just be getting a phone call this year.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I'm surprised they don't get this day off

Believe it or not, today is National Teacher Day - a day for honoring teachers and recognizing the lasting contributions they make to our lives.

I will be honoring teachers by only working till 3:00pm today.

Internet mogul

Not to brag - but the ads on this site have, in just a couple of months, generated enough money to buy two beers, at most bars, at happy hour prices.

Monday, May 02, 2005

This guy is playing it all wrong

Jilted Georgia groom stands by his bride

If a woman, somehow, persuaded me to get married but disappeared without a trace four days before the wedding, here is what I'd do:


I would not investigate. I would not alert the authorities. I would just count my blessings and move on with my life.

Common Sense

You shouldn't bike 2,000 miles after heart surgery. That seems obvious to me.

Heart patient dies after 2,400-mile ride