Saturday, May 27, 2006

Friday, May 26, 2006

Hey, I'm short too!

Judge: Vertically-challenged child molester wouldn't survive prison

This guy avoided prison for sexually assaulting a kid because he is only 5' 1". I'm only about six inches taller. I should at least be able to get away with armed robbery or indecent exposure.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Early morning question

I am sitting in my office, looking out the window at the parking lot where a vehicle's alarm is going off. Why do we say car alarms "go off" when they are not "off," they are "on." Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say that car alarms "go on?"

Wow, I am really coming through with some quality, entertaining entries lately!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Was the world really asking for this show?

True Hollywood Story: Charles In Charge

Nevertheless, for an hour last night I parked my ass in front of the TV and guzzled whiskey while learning all about this 80's classic.

After the booze haze cleared, here's what I remember:

Willie Aames' career eventually led him to becoming Bibleman - a human transformed by the word of God who fights injustice with, what else, the word of God.

At his first trip to the Playboy Mansion, Scott Baio was awestruck for 20 minutes before taking off his pants.

Nicole Eggert was nearly left paralyzed from a snowmobile accident. She got boob implants and then had them removed.

Half-way through the show, a bug landed in my whiskey glass and drowned. That's the way I want to go.

The younger uglier girl, Josie Davis, went from this to this.

Scott Baio never banged Nicole Eggert. He said they "hung out" after the show ended but that's all. Sure, Chachi. Whatever you say.

Josie Davis' first kiss was with Paul Walker who did an episode of Charles before becoming super famous with those Fast and Furious movies.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Today in history

1959 - Bronson Pinchot was born. Happy birthday Balki!

Friday, May 19, 2006

I'm a sell out

According to this site, my domain is worth $23,814.00.

I'm feeling generous, so I'm willing to let it go for $20,000. Any takers?

Thursday, May 18, 2006

This is the best story I've read in a while

McCartney may lose quarter of fortune in divorce

Dumb ass!

This article from 2002 reports that McCartney's kids "were upset about the wedding, believing Mills was latching on to their dad's money and fame."

This is why I'll never marry. NOBODY is taken a quarter of my fortune! I'll be damned if I'm going to give some woman $936.21.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Funny Picture/Not-So-Funny Story

Click image for story


Today in history

1914 - The American Horseshoe Pitchers Association (AHPA) was formed in Kansas City.

The Bible Code

This weekend I watched an interesting show on A&E about how the Bible may contain codes and secrets that predict the future. So I decided to look into this further. I got out my Bible (yeah, like I own one) and was startled at what I found when I closely examined some verses.

Isaiah 56:1
Thus saith the LORD, Keep ye judgment, and do justice: for my salvation is near to come, and my righteousness to be revealed. The December 4th, 1999 Powerball numbers will be 5-22-25-36-38, 37.

Exodus 32:29
For Moses had said, Consecrate yourselves to day to the LORD, even every man upon his son, and upon his brother; that he may bestow upon you a blessing this day. Beware the Heisman winner - the one they call "The Juice."

Genesis 2:4
These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens. Take comfort, all you gay cowboys. Someday you will be very popular.

Exodus 34:5
And the LORD descended in the cloud, and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. Do not buy the Betamax machine. Go with the VHS instead.

Exodus 32:30
And it came to pass on the morrow, that Moses said unto the people, Ye have sinned a great sin: and now I will go up unto the LORD; peradventure I shall make an atonement for your sin. Despite the "Look Who's Talking" movies, John Travolta, your career will soon improve.

Ezekial 20:19
I am the LORD your God; walk in my statutes, and keep my judgments, and do them; The Portland Trailblazers will regret drafting Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan in the 1984 NBA draft.

Numbers 14:28
Say unto them, As truly as I live, saith the LORD, as ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I do to you. David Spade, don't expect to ride that Chris Farley gravy train forever.

Jeremiah 4:10
Then said I, Ah, Lord GOD! surely thou hast greatly deceived this people and Jerusalem, saying, Ye shall have peace; whereas the sword reacheth unto the soul. In the eighth month, of the year 1974, a great drunk will be born.

Eighth month...1974? Hey! That's when I was born.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

My new diet

Somehow I managed to go the entire day yesterday eating only a chocolate chip cookie. To keep my calorie content up, I had seven beers.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Damn! The years have not been kind.

‘World’s oldest person’ turns 128

She spends most of her time dozing. Sounds like a lot of 30-some-year-olds I know.