The Bible Code

This weekend I watched an interesting show on A&E about how the Bible may contain codes and secrets that predict the future. So I decided to look into this further. I got out my Bible (yeah, like I own one) and was startled at what I found when I closely examined some verses.


Isaiah 56:1
Thus saith the LORD, Keep ye judgment, and do justice: for my salvation is near to come, and my righteousness to be revealed. The December 4th, 1999 Powerball numbers will be 5-22-25-36-38, 37.


Exodus 32:29
For Moses had said, Consecrate yourselves to day to the LORD, even every man upon his son, and upon his brother; that he may bestow upon you a blessing this day. Beware the Heisman winner - the one they call "The Juice."


Genesis 2:4
These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens. Take comfort, all you gay cowboys. Someday you will be very popular.


Exodus 34:5
And the LORD descended in the cloud, and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. Do not buy the Betamax machine. Go with the VHS instead.


Exodus 32:30
And it came to pass on the morrow, that Moses said unto the people, Ye have sinned a great sin: and now I will go up unto the LORD; peradventure I shall make an atonement for your sin. Despite the "Look Who's Talking" movies, John Travolta, your career will soon improve.


Ezekial 20:19
I am the LORD your God; walk in my statutes, and keep my judgments, and do them; The Portland Trailblazers will regret drafting Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan in the 1984 NBA draft.


Numbers 14:28
Say unto them, As truly as I live, saith the LORD, as ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I do to you. David Spade, don't expect to ride that Chris Farley gravy train forever.


Jeremiah 4:10
Then said I, Ah, Lord GOD! surely thou hast greatly deceived this people and Jerusalem, saying, Ye shall have peace; whereas the sword reacheth unto the soul. In the eighth month, of the year 1974, a great drunk will be born.

Eighth month...1974? Hey! That's when I was born.