Drunken thoughts on the Live 8 Concert

I somehow got up by 10:00am today, turned on the TV and began watching VH1's coverage of the Live 8 concert. In case you don't know, Live 8 is a concert aimed at raising awareness of poverty in Africa or Alabama or something.

When I turned it on, Will Smith was on stage. He even had DJ Jazzy Jeff with him. It's nice of the Fresh Prince to throw that guy a bone once in a while.

Crap, Dave Matthews is on. I never understood how a middle-aged, bald guy, singing folk songs ever became so popular. His entire band, except for the bass player, is black. How did he find so many black people who wanted to play that kind of music?

While Dave drags on with his third song, I decided to research who performed at 1985's original Live Aid concert. There's a few performers I doubt were invited to play this year: Billy Ocean, REO Speedwagon, Freddie Mercury, Patti LaBelle, Hall & Oates. Actually I'm hoping Hall & Oates show up.

The next performers: Orchestra Baobab? What the hell is this? I think I accidentally pushed the button on my TV that changes the language because I don't understand a word they're singing. Oh well, at least they're better than Dave Matthews.

Bob Geldof is showing a video of poor starving African children, set to a Cars song. Very disturbing, but still more entertaining than Dave Matthews.

Madonna just kissed an African woman on the lips, just like she kissed Britney Spears.

Breaking news: Hall & Oates just showed up but security hauled them away.

Velvet Revolver's Scott Weiland is looking a little gay these days. I'm starting to see some Rob Halford/Judas Priest similarities.

Did Pink Floyd ever make a song under 10 minutes?

Stevie Wonder came out dressed in, what looks like, a night gown made out of a table cloth. It must suck being blind; you'd have no idea what you're wearing.


It's kind of ironic that I'm sitting here watching a concert to end poverty, while I'm flat broke.

The last performer on VH1's coverage is Paul McCartney. If you add up the ages of all the members of his band, you'd get an age that still would be 20 years younger than McCartney.

Paul brought George Michael on stage to sing with him. He must have got the idea to sing with a gay guy after learning that Stevie Wonder brought up Rob Thomas.

See all Live 8 performances here.