Shit! We now live in a Swayze-less world.

It is with deep sadness I announce that at 6:28 this evening, in my Mesa, AZ, home, with my girlfriend at my side, I read an Associated Press article reporting the death of Patrick Swayze. He died of cancer.

As will every account of his death, this article labels "Dirty Dancing" and "Ghost" as the highlights of his acting career, but for me there are two other films that will always be classic Swayze: "Road House" and "Point Break."

In 1989's "Road House," Swayze ruled the Double Deuce bar with his quick fists and even quicker smile--a style of leadership and authority not often found in today's roadside bars. As an adolescent, I found confusion in the wonderful sex scene between Swayze and Kelly Lynch: I couldn't keep track of who was who--they had the exact same hair.

"Point Break" successfully assembled a magical combination of elements to create the perfect film: surfing, rubber masks of former Presidents, a pre-insane Gary Busey, Keanu Reeves jumping out of a plane with no parachute, and an extraordinary soundtrack featuring RATT's timeless "Nobody Rides For Free."

Tonight I mourn the loss of Patrick Swayze, but tomorrow I celebrate the life of Patrick Swayze. And this Saturday afternoon--as with nearly every Saturday afternoon--I will honor the career of Patrick Swayze when I turn on TBS (or TNT) to catch an airing of "Road House" or "Point Break", unless it's one of those Saturdays when Nicholas Cage's "The Rock" is on instead.

Click here to read my other "Road House"-related posts.

Jeff Healey

Remember Jeff Healey? He's the blind guitarist and singer who scored a major 1988 hit with a song, ironically, called "Angel Eyes." He was also the leader of the house band at the Double Deuce roadside bar in the 1989 Patrick Swayze epic, "Road House."

Well, he's dead.

Death Can Not Contain Jeff Healey

Days after being struck down by cancer himself, Jeff Healey has apparently reached from beyond the grave to deal a similar blow to his "Road House" co-star Patrick Swayze.

Swayze Being Treated For Cancer

More Jeff Healey Coverage

I am really quite upset about the passing of Jeff Healey. If only I could have known that, when I caught "Road House" on TBS in January, it would be the last time I'd see him alive, I would have given him a proper tribute for his role in the best of all the Patrick Swayze movies.

With Healey's passing and the 2004 death of Ray Charles, only one of the Holy Trinity of blind musicians remains. And as Stevie Wonder foretold: "in the end, there can be only one."

Any Job Worth Doing Would Not Be A Traffic Reporter

Since moving to our country's 5th largest metro area 11 years ago, I have woken most mornings and watched the local news, while brushing the previous night's whiskey from my teeth and deciding which shirt in my hamper has another good day left in it.

In an hour, I get local news and weather, and the "3 (or 4, 5 or 10, depending on your city) on Your Side" segment that warns us gullible consumers about mean businesses that prey upon our tendencies to hire unscrupulous plumbers or wire thousands of dollars to strangers in Nigeria.

The most worthless segment of the morning newscast has to be the traffic report. The traffic "reporter" shows up every few minutes to arm us for our commute. The "reporter" (I use the quotes to insinuate that this person -- who is usually female, well-endowed in the chestal region, and just slightly less attractive than the weather girl -- is probably a few credits shy of a journalism degree. Moving forward, I will discontinue the quotes; just imagine they are there.).

Let me start again: The reporter tells us traffic is backed up at the exact same places that it has been every morning since the invention of the car. And she (usually she) informs us of the fender bender on the corner of HalfWayAcrossTown Road and TenMilesAway Avenue. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I don't see the value of this information. By the time I get to this accident, it probably will have cleared but I will have hit two other accidents that were reported after I turned off the TV. Unless she announces an accident right outside my house, this information is completely worthless.

To accommodate the jet-setting executives, the traffic segment now includes the airport traffic report: "Due to weather, departure traffic destined to Chicago O'Hare is currently experiencing delays." Sounds like I better find a different way to make the 1,800 mile journey. Useless!

All you traffic reporters, don't fret over my rarely-listened-to opinion about your profession; you still provide more value than police sketch artists (Has a suspect really ever been identified from a pencil drawing?) and travel agents (My seven-year-old (I don't really have a seven-year-old) can book a flight.).

Drunken thoughts on "Can't Buy Me Love"

Today was Work-From-Home-Wednesday. I needed the cable company to send someone out to fix my internet, which keeps going down. Today was their earliest availability and I've learned to always make that appointment because the next soonest availability is usually two months down the road.

So I had to stay home today and await the cable guy who was scheduled between 10:00am - 12:00pm. He showed up around 11:55am and, after examining every inch of cable running through my house, determined my problem: way too much internet porn.

After eating leftovers from last night's Chinese food, I spent the rest of the afternoon napping and watching internet porn.

Once my work day ended at 4:00pm, I headed to the bar for a few hours. After I got home, I caught the end of "Can't Buy Me Love." I've seen this movie numerous times. Here are some drunken thoughts I've always had about it:

It's easy to pick out which characters are on the high school baseball team and cheerleader squad because they always wear their uniforms.



Amanda Peterson, who played the female lead, was never in another movie that anyone ever saw.

Chuckie Miller, younger annoying brother of main character, Ronald Miller, was played by now big movie star, Seth Green.