17,000 Hits!

In just a little over two months, Wirthy.com has gone from 16,000 to 17,000 hits.

There's another accomplishment for me that doesn't mean a goddamn thing!

In real life, this never happens

Kirstie Alley Syndrome Strikes Again!

Cybill Sheppard then and now.

The one for me

This just dawned on me. I think I've finally found my perfect woman: Dana Reeve, widow of Christopher Reeve.

Think about it: most women aren't interested in a guy like me who can barely walk, but she just spent nine years with a guy who couldn't even move his finger. I can move all my fingers - whenever I want!!! I can move my head from side to side. I can breathe on my own. I can drive a car both sober and drunk. I can prepare light lunches. I go to the bathroom all by myself. I can speak more than 10 words in a minute. To her, I'm Superman!

Dana, give me a call.

Still sober

I am over 40 hours into my latest attempt at long-term sobriety, which is about the 4th longest sober streak I've ever had.

Being sober is sort of like having super powers. Last night I was able to untie both shoes without falling over repeatedly and this afternoon I lifted a burning car off of a small boy.

Tonight I watched the series finale of MacGyver which originally aired in 1992. For months I've been watching that show in a drunken haze. Let me tell - that's the best way to watch it. At the end of the final show, MacGyver rides off on a motorcycle with his son that he met for the first time 46 minutes earlier. TVLAND is now starting the series over with season #1. I'm not sure if I'll continue watching, especially since I just realized that WGN airs Magnum P.I. daily.

Time to dry out

Tonight has been long overdue. While I did go out for a while, I probably only had four or five beers. I was home by 9:15pm.

Tonight is the first sober night I've had since last week sometime. Hell it maybe longer than that since I don't remember what I did last week.

Anyway tonight I rest.

Night of no drinking

I've been drinking a little too much lately. After getting drunk off of Black Velvet Monday night and waking up Tuesday morning, fully clothed, lying on my bed with all my lights on, I decided I needed a break.

So I was leaving work yesterday with intentions of enjoying a relaxing alcohol-free night at home when my phone rang. It was one of my friends who said he was going to Chuy's. I won't say who but if you had one guess, I'm sure you'd get it. Note to wives: this friend called ME not the other way around.

Anyway my night of no drinking really got derailed. And with Tom Miller coming to town tonight, I doubt I'll get another chance anytime soon.

And I still haven't been able to get this week's Survivor Wirthy out. Maybe today.

Strippers and vomit

Tonight I was outsmarted by a very crafty stripper. It turns out that all she wanted was my money. What a shock.

Later tonight a friend got sick from drinking and threw up. Do you know that the last time I've thrown up from alcohol was 1996? And the last time I've thrown up ever was in January 1998. How many of you can say that? What a goddamn accomplishment! How many of you can say you even bother to think of the last time you threw up? Hell, it's 3:00am and I'm drunk - you'd be surprised at the shit you think of.

Recipe for fun

So you're sitting at home on a night that may or may not be the night before Work-From-Home-Friday and none of your friends want to go out. What do you do? Here's what you do: you have a good time all by yourself and this is all you need:

1. Six episodes of MacGyver recorded (may substitute Magnum P.I., A-Team or Knight Rider).

2. Alcohol...and lots of it (my choice is whiskey. you may prefer vodka, tequila or something else).

3. Charles Barkley bobblehead (may substitute Hakeem Olajuwon or Roger Clemens but I don't recommend).

4. Digital camera (can be purchased at most electronics stores).

First you start drinking. I began with beer and then progressed to the whiskey.

Start watching MacGyver. Try to appreciate the moral lesson conveyed in each episode.

Take time out for peanut butter sandwich dinner (optional).

Continue with MacGyver.

Notice the Charles Barkley bobblehead on the counter.

Grab the digital camera.

Let the foolery begin!