Drunken Knight Rider thoughts

On the TV show "Knight Rider," why did Michael Knight ever get out of his car?

It seems that he could have stopped all the bad guys without ever leaving the safety of K.I.T.T.'s driver's seat. Yet in every episode he gets out and engages in useless hand-to-hand combat. That's when he gets in trouble.

And why did Michael always have to push a button on the dashboard to enter Super Pursuit Mode? K.I.T.T. could do everything by itself, even drive itself, yet Michael had to physically push this button for the turbo boost. C'mon!

And finally why, at 30 years old, am I still watching Knight Rider?

1st gay fraternity

Hmmm...I thought all fraternities were gay.

Gay Fraternity Forms National Organization

Work-from-home-Wednesday?

Yes, I am working from home again today.

I couldn't get my car in for an alignment yesterday so I had to drive it to work this morning. It was shaking all the way, but what's the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen would probably be a tire blowout. And that's what happened.

So I waited on the freeway median for roadside assistance for about an hour, while traffic cruised by. Luckily in Arizona it doesn't hit 100 degrees until 10:00am or so.

A cop pulled up while I was on the phone with the service guy. I asked if he could help but he told me to wait for the toe truck. He said he'd check back in a half hour and see if I was still here. What the hell happened to "protect and serve?" I bet if I had a beer in my hand, he'd have paid more attention to me.

Anyway, now I'm working at home while my car gets four new tires put on.

Work-From-Home-Tuesday!

Today isn't Friday but it is a work-from-home-day for me.

My car (a 2000 Daewoo Leganza. I know what you're thinking: Isn't Daewoo a brand of VCR?) is getting an alignment. Yesterday it shook so bad, cruising down the freeway, that I nearly spilled my beer. Just kidding - I usually use one of those kid sippy cups when drinking in the car. Safety first. (Calm down, I'm kidding.)

Malcolm...idiot

"Malcolm in the Middle" star Frankie Muniz just got engaged at age 19 to his girlfriend! I'm trying to hurry up and get this posted before they're divorced.

Hey Frankie, two words for you: Macaulay Culkin

No marriage = no divorce

Finally the world is starting to take my advice.

Wedding bells aren't ringing, but neither are phones of divorce lawyers

On the seventh day, he drank

Remember when you used to have to make sure, on Saturday, that you had enough alcohol on hand to get you through Sunday?

Sundays no longer day of rest

Rolling in cash

Last night I watched the movie 54. There's a scene where Mike Myers, who plays Steve Rubell, owner of the legendary 70's club 54, rolls around in bed on a huge pile of cash.


I was going to recreate the scene and post the picture on this site. I just had one problem:

Drunken Lego Vacation

Hi, I'm Drunken Lego Wirthy. I recently went on a Google Earth sightseeing vacation. Take a look at my pictures below (click to enlarge).



Drunken Lego Wirthy at the White house




At the Stratosphere in Las Vegas




Swimming off the Florida Panhandle




At the South Pole




At the Washington Monument




At Niagara Falls




At the Grand Canyon




At the Sears Tower in Chicago




In Mount St. Helens




At Coors Field in Denver




At the Empire State Building

Got $1.4 million? Buy a mobile home.

Mobile home madness: Prices top $1 million

Sorry Mickey

I just watched HBO's new documentary about Mickey Mantle.

It shows the speech Mantle gave, after undergoing a liver transplant, where he advises people to not abuse alcohol.

"...don't be like me. God gave me a body, an ability to play baseball...It was just wasted. I was given so much. I blew it. " -- Mickey Mantle

Well, God gave me a crippled body and barely the ability to walk. So, if it's all the same to you Mick, I'll just keep on drinking.

Hey, don't forget your kid

Toddler dies after 5 hours in car

How could a person ever forget that there is a baby in his or her car?

Kids irritate me so much that I am aware when one is within a 100 feet. There is no way I could ignore one in my backseat.

That's my home state police

Man Tunnels Out of Trailer to Elude Cops

I hope I didn't get sucked in

I purposely avoid the premier episodes of reality shows because I don't want to get hooked. But now I find myself watching "Rock Star: INXS." INXS is using an American-Idol-type format to choose a new lead singer to replace Michael Hutchence who hung himself to death in 1997.

I'm half-way through the premier and I don't feel that I am in any danger of getting hooked on the show.

All the contestants are young. INXS is old.

Some of the contestants are female. Is INXS really going to have a female singer?

The one black contestant sang Living Colour's Cult of Personality. That's really the only rock song by a black person/group in the last 20 years I can think of. I wonder what he'll sing next week. Will that be enough to bring me back next week?

Wait a second...one of the guys from INXS just gave a contestant crap for forgetting the lyrics during her performance. He asked, " If you're going to fold under the pressure in front of a thousand people, what's it going to be like in front of 50,000 people?"

New lead singer, no lead singer, 20 lead singers...when the hell is INXS going to play in front of 50,000 people?

By the way, I've now started documenting how drunk I am when I post each entry. I really felt people wanted to know.

Power slacking on the job

I'm surprised I wasn't mentioned, specifically, in this article.

Survey: Workers waste more time than employers expect, costing companies $759 billion a year.

Pimp My Ride

You ever watch MTV's "Pimp My Ride?"

Every show is exactly the same:

A struggling, young man or woman asks MTV to fix up their car. Used-to-be-rapper Xzibit shows up at their house. The men give him a chest bump or pick him up. The women proceed to rape and molest him. Then they show their vehicle to Xzibit, who goes through the car, pointing out that it's a piece of shit.

Xzibit then drives the dilapidated vehicle to West Coast Customs. When he pulls up, the West Coast staff runs around, screaming in shock over the vehicle's condition. This has to be stock footage, because it is exactly the same every time.

The team of painters, sound technicians and body guys then goes to work, filling these $200 shit-mobiles with thousands of dollars of stereos, video screens, wheels, video games, aquariums, hair dryers and other ridiculous crap.

They must think that these kids live in their cars. One girl said she was into yoga so they convert the back of her jeep into a yoga studio. Another guy likes to bowl so he gets a bowling ball polisher in his trunk. WTF? I like to drink - could I get a beer tap in my dashboard? (actually, hmm....)

Also these people usually live in bad neighborhoods. I wonder how long it takes a 20-inch plasma TV mounted in the back of a Ford pickup to get ripped off.

Pool table in back of pickup
For all those times you want to hustle someone in a Wal-Mart parking lot.




Video monitors by the wheels
So you can watch movies while passed out on the street.




Aquarium
How long are these fish really going to live?




Automatic energy drink dispenser (no photo)
A spring loaded tube dispenses cans of energy drink. There's nothing more refreshing on a summer day than getting into your hot car and drinking some warm Red Bull.



Bowling ball return
WTF?





Hot tub in back of van
Slam on the brakes - instant mess.

House arrest

A lack of energy, ambition and money confined me to my Arizona estate this weekend.

With the exception of a few hours Friday night, I did not leave my 8,000 square inch property at all.

Now I know what Martha Stewart feels like.

Where are the celebrities?

I thought there are supposed to be celebrities on "The Surreal Life."

Ok, you got Balki from "Perfect Strangers" and Jose Canseco, but who the hell are these other people?

There's nothing on

I get hundreds of channels, including nearly every movie channel known to man, and I can't find a damn thing to watch.

To further support my claim that Lifetime is "the rape channel," it is currently showing "Outrage in Glen Ridge" - a group of well-known high school athletes in Glen Ridge, New Jersey were accused of the gang rape of a mentally retarded teen girl.

Employee discounts

Here are some employee discounts I read about in this article.

Starbucks - Each employee who works 20 or more hours a week gets one free pound of coffee per week.

Anheuser-Busch - Adult employees receive two free cases of beer each month. This benefit is better than health insurance!

General Electric - Employees receive an average of a 20 percent discount on its appliances such as air conditioners, washers, dryers or refrigerators.

Google - Employees are given a free lunch every day.

Blockbuster - Free video and games rentals.

Wal-Mart - Associates receive 10 percent off selected merchandise; SAM's Club associates receive a free membership card.