Fascinating!

I didn't end up drinking any whiskey last night to fight my cold. In fact, I didn't drink any alcohol. Instead I took a couple cold tablets that expired two years ago. Sometimes I think you gotta let that stuff age a little, 'cause it really knocked me out.

I awoke in time to watch Barbara Walters Presents the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2005. I had to sit through 11-year-old Dakota Fanning say that she doesn't want to be treated like a kid. Oh, I can't wait for her to turn to porn after puberty hits and her career tanks.

I listened to Tom Cruise proudly claim that, because of him, 450,000 kids are off prescription drugs and how he bought Katie Holmes her own sonogram machine so they can immediately see when their baby's alien antennae develop.

Bike rider Lance Armstrong was supposedly fascinating this year for dominating a sport that nobody cares about.

I actually was fascinated to see that this is what Teri Hatcher looks like these days.



After watching all that, I finally get to the most fascinating person of the year: Camilla Parker Bowles. You've gotta be f'ing kidding! What's so fascinating about her? The only thing I can of is that, despite looking like a man, she managed to marry a prince. Granted, it was the world's ugliest prince, but still a prince.

Which is the gay, male couple?