This was funny when I was 10

But every year, I hear someone say it.

Aren't you that guy...?

Yesterday I took in the Arizona Cardinals Vs. St. Louis Rams game. I was constantly asked "Aren't you that guy who was on 'To Catch A Predator'?" or "Are you the one who knocked up Britney Spears' sister?"

I walk like the crippled guy in my post below (A guy with Cerebral Palsy on 'To Catch a Predator'). However unlike my Cerebral Palsy bro, I don't have sex with teenagers - not even when I was a teenager.

A guy with Cerebral Palsy on 'To Catch a Predator'

I'm always excited when a fellow disabled guy makes it big. First there was Corky, the retarded kid on "Life Goes On" and now a fellow Cerebral Palsy sufferer is featured on "Dateline NBC: To Catch A Predator".

If you're not familiar with the show, it is a series of hidden camera investigations devoted to busting child sex abusers. Predators are invited to an undercover house and are led to believe they're going to have sex with a minor. Then Dateline correspondent Chris Hansen jumps out of a closet and cock blocks them.

CLICK HERE to watch the video of the crippled guy getting busted.

This guy pretty much walks the same way I do. I feel bad for the guy. It's not easy for us crippleds to get laid. He probably should have just tried for a fat chick. Live and learn.

Check out this guy's name

Ozzy struggles with book

The first sentence of this article is hilarious!

Ozzy Osbourne struggles to write autobiography

A hot chick from 1983 and a hot chick from 2003 are in some trouble

Rebecca De Mornay Charged With DUI

Mischa Barton jailed on drunken driving charge

It seems like just yesterday

You know how you look back on things in your past and ask "What the hell was I thinking?"?

Example - Senior High School Photo




I was just browsing through my blog to see what I was up to a year ago and realized that 364 days from tomorrow I was removing labels from beer bottles, rolling them up and sticking them in a bar glass.

Could I have been any cooler?

A Holiday Tradition

I have a strange tradition. Every year, around Christmas time, I watch the movie 'The Family Man'. I watch it alone and I watch it drunk.

I love this movie. Nicholas Cage plays a rich, successful, single guy who works in New York, has a nice apartment and drives a Ferrari. He somehow gets thrown into a less cool life where he lives in Jersey and is married to Tea Leoni with two kids.

But in the end, he magically emerges from this sad domestic, parental life and goes back to his normal kick-ass life. At the end of the movie, it appears he'll still be banging Tea Leoni but, at least for now, has no friggin' kids.

Make $1,000 in a month by writing about your lunch.

For bloggers, on-line ads beckon

Back in the day, I used to sometimes make as much as 5 cents/day!

Return to HNT

Back in my blogging prime, I used to participate in something called Half Nekkid Thursday. Then suddenly I gave it all up - all the comforts of a modern life. No more web sites, no more internet. I lived off the land. The earth was my bed. The sky, my blanket. I no longer got my pornography through a high speed cable line. It came from adult magazines and the lingerie section of JCPenneys catalogs, like in the old days.

But now I'm back! This week the Half Nekkid Thursdsay rules call for me to post my favorite entry of the year. But since I've been out of the loop for a while, so this is my favorite post of last year.

This Can't End Well

It's the gift that counts

Another Christmas is over and, while Santa continues to snub me because of that damn naughty/nice list, Girlfriend was very good to me. One of my gifts was a new digital camera. (I can finally throw away that Kodak Disc.)

I got Girlfriend a laptop computer. Now instead of being disgusted when I spend our 'alone' time watching free sample clips on barely legal sites, she can look at her own porn.



Two people got me shot glass sets. What do people think of me?

I bought myself a new home theater system. 'The Simpsons Movie' sounded great but, unfortunately 'Magnum P.I.' wasn't recorded in digital surround sound.

Shocking News: Raiders Fan Commits Crime

The upside to being the favorite football team of most of our country's criminals is all the free publicity.

Sexual Predator Caught On Surveillance Video

"Holy Irony, Batman!"

Roofing magnate dies in fall from roof

C'mon Lee Majors, You're Better Than This

I've never seen this movie. A country singer, mountain man, sheriff, witch and orphans? What the hell?

Scientists in Israel have a lot of free time

Israeli Scientists Create The World's Smallest Bible

Just another thing the United States is falling behind in. I once had a pocket-sized bible. But a bible on a pinhead? No way!

Doesn't look like anyone will be getting this in their stocking

Lynne Spears' book delayed indefinitely

You can take the girl out of the trailer park but...

...she'll still get knocked up.

Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister pregnant

Happy Birthday to the finest

All of Hollywood is surely celebrating today the birthdays of some of our finest actors of all time.

T.C. from 'Magnum P.I.' (68)
Brad Pitt (44)
Ray Liotta (52)
Katie Holmes (29)

We are the champions - my friends

This year's Arizona Cardinals had many doubters. When golden-boy QB Matt Leinart went down early in the season, fans couldn't jump off the bandwagon fast enough. But behind the mighty arm of 65-year-old quarterback Kurt Warner, the Cards averaged almost 1 win per week, and played all the way into December before being eliminated from the playoffs.

...We are the Champions, of the World!

A portion of the proceeds goes to Cerebral Palsy

Is it any wonder there is still no cure?

I make fun of crippled people

Why is it that I feel like I can make fun of the handicapped? Because I am one of them.

Just like Jewish people can make Jewish jokes and black people can safely use the 'n word', I can say whatever I want about crippleds -- as long as they are white Christians.

All my life, I have had Cerebral Palsy. From what I was told, during birth I became entangled in the umbilical cord and lost oxygen for a while. To this day, I hate umbilical cords and avoid them at all costs.

So for the first few years of my life I didn't move much. Wherever my parents put me, I stayed until they put me somewhere else. I finally learned how to walk in some form, at age 3: step-step-step-fall-step-step-step-fall. It's a method I perfected and continued throughout my life. And to make matters worse, I grew up in North Dakota where a patch of ice appears every few feet.


Being crippled isn't all that bad. When I went to college, I realized I was kind of like a superhero. My power: a handicapped parking pass. You would be amazed at how popular you are when it's -15 outside and you can park 10 feet from any door. Years later I would learn that I possessed several other powers like having the ability to get really good seats at concerts and being able to bypass long lines at airport security.

Now that I'm older, the physical difference between me and my friends isn't as noticeable. In high school, all my friends played basketball and baseball which, of course, I couldn't do. But now none of my friends do those things. They mainly sit on bar stools, downing beer after beer -- something I am quite good at.

To a girl?!

Backstreet Boy weds longtime girlfriend

High School Girls Have Never Been Bigger Whores

Teen Births Up For The First Time In 15 Years

Tough Decision

Wedding ring deflects bullet, saves life

Would I rather have a bullet in my chest or a ring on my finger?

Nooooo! Not Pimp C!

Rapper Pimp C found dead

If your name is Pimp C, assume you probably will die soon.

It wasn't a good week to be a former famous person

Quiet Riot Singer Kevin DuBrow Found Dead

Iconic daredevil Evel Knievel dies at 69


I like to think that God is making a reality show in heaven and was in need of some c-list celebs. Eric Estrada and Tootie from 'The Facts of Life' should be nervous.

Funny Picture; Not So Funny Story

Click here for story

You know god is kicking you in the ass...

...when you get paralyzed in a freak frisbee accident.

Happy Thanksgiving

What I am thankful for:

1. Once again, I'm thankful for another year without having any children or getting married. I am truly blessed.

2. This year I am thankful for my new 61" HDTV. Partnering with Dish Network, it provides endless entertainment in the form of satellite television and audio programming.

3. I am very thankful that I no longer drive this.

4. Thank you alcohol for solving more problems than you've caused over the years.

5. I am greatful for web site-creating programs Microsoft Frontpage and Macromedia Dreamweaver for allowing me to make money designing web sites, without having a clue of what I'm doing.

What I learned from watching '1408'

1408 synopsis: John Cusack wants to stay in a haunted hotel room. Samuel L. Jackson says no, don't stay in the haunted hotel room. John Cusack doesn't listen and checks into the room. Then the room tries to kill him.



Empty mini-bar: scary!



Whether you're in an evil possessed hotel room or just in an average room at a Holiday Inn, a black light passed over the bed will produce the same horrific results.

61 Inches of Pleasure

They say that money can't buy happiness. But money can buy a 61" HDTV and huge TVs make me happy.

Ensemble Cast

When you talk about a movie having a great ensemble cast, what do you think of? "A Few Good Men?" Sure, that had Tom Cruise, Demi Moore, Kevin Bacon and Jack Nicholson, but it's got nothing on "The Adventures of Ford Fairlaine."



Andrew Dice Clay
Wayne Newton
Priscilla Presley
Lauren Holly
Gilbert Gottfried
Robert Englund (Freddy)
Ed O'Neill
Vince Neil
Kurt Loder
Tone Loc

Taking the plunge...finally

Since I started this blog, there have been a lot of changes in my life. There have been new relationships and a new job. Some of these changes have taken me away from drunken nights in front of the computer.

A couple of months ago, I made, what may have been, the biggest change of my life. It was something I saw coming for a long time but just never committed to it.

I dropped cable TV and got Dish Network.

I now have a dish mounted on top of my condo that allows me to communicate with distant planets as well as watch endless Miami Vice and Magnum P.I. reruns. I also get NBATV so this winter, instead of watching the Timberwolves vs. New Orleans Hornets, I can watch the Celtics take on the Lakers in 1988.

You looking at me?

Offensive

A few years ago, I got a notice in the mail announcing that a sex offender had moved into my neighborhood. He didn't stick around long. I guess there wasn't enough hot 8-year-old tail in the area.

Now another sex offender has just moved in, right across the street. He's a creepy looking old guy too. Aren't there any attractive, female, 20-some-year-old sex offenders who prey on innocent 32-year-old victims?

Out of retirement

I had to come out of blogging retirement to make a quick comment on Brad Delp, the lead singer of Boston, who committed suicide by locking himself in his bathroom with two lit charcoal grills and breating in that mesquite flavored carbon monoxide.

Until this past week, I had no idea who the lead singer of Boston was. You would think he had a pretty good life. He sang songs for a living, probably mainly during the summer with REO Speedwagon, STYX and bands like that. He probably was a millionnaire.

Yet, in his suicide note, he said he had lost the desire to live. Like I said, I didn't know anything about Brad Delp, but what I did learn was that he was engaged to be married this summer.

So I am guessing that, given two choices: (1) to be a rock star, but a married rock star or; (2) to be dead, Mr. Delp chose death.

I'd probably make the same choice.

That's all for now.

Your friend, Wirthy - single and loving it.

About Friggin' Time!

Toddler's temper ousts family from plane

It's about time some of these damn families got kicked off a plane. Every single time I've flown, I've been stuck next to some screaming brat (with the exception of the times I am seated next to the smelly old person).