The Following Takes Place During a Writers Strike

With "24's" writers on strike, Jack Bauer's days are a little more mundane than they used to be.

The following takes place between 6:00AM - 7:00AM: Has breakfast, breaks the secret code puzzle on the Lucky Charms box in under ten seconds.

7:00AM - 8:00AM: Links himself to Kevin Bacon in one step: "I was in 'A Few Good Men' with Kevin Bacon."

8:00AM - 9:00AM: Interrogates neighbor about missing newspaper, electrocutes him with toaster cord.

10:00AM - 11:00AM: "Live with Regis & Kelly"




11:00AM - 12:00PM: Updates MySpace page to indicate love of punk rock and torture.

12:00PM - 1:00PM: Scrapbooking.




1:00PM - 2:00PM: Laundry.

2:00PM - 3:00PM: Sends resume to "CSI: Miami."

3:00PM - 4:00PM: Tries to disarm microwave.

4:00PM - 5:00M: Texts President picture of his ass.




5:00PM - 6:00PM: Massive shit.




6:00PM - 7:00PM: Calls Verizon, upgrades his plan to allow unlimited nuclear power plant schematic downloads.

7:00PM - 8:00PM: Accesses government surveillance satellite to track hot waitress from Applebees.

8:00PM - 9:00PM: Dominates at Duck Hunt.




9:00PM - 10:00PM: Gets kicked out of Blockbuster for causing a scene when they didn't have "Young Guns II."

10:00PM - 11:00PM: Watches a special two-part "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" where Hilary and Carlton learn a valuable life lesson while volunteering at a homeless shelter on Thanksgiving.

11:00PM - 12:00AM: "Discharges his weapon," if you know what I mean.