The Issues

With all the exciting political activity going on now, I felt like sharing my views on some of the issues facing our country.


THINGS I'M FOR

Time Travel
Having repeatedly seen the "Back To The Future" trilogy and every episode of "Quantum Leap," I feel I know the dos and don'ts to traveling through time without disturbing the space-time continuum.

Suicide
It's a bit controversial; not many people say they are pro-suicide. But as long as you don't jump from a building and land on someone, or shoot a bunch of people in a mall, I say go right ahead.

"The King of Queens"
While this show aired for a successful 9 seasons (according to Wikipedia, it's the 12 longest running sitcom), I feel it did not get the respect it deserved. In my opinion, it was better than "Everybody Loves Raymond" and Kevin James is funnier than Ray Romano. And, other than a few fat seasons, Leah Remini is pretty hot.

Outback Steakhouse’s Salad Policy
You now get 2 side items with your meal, not 1 side plus a salad. If you want a salad, that's 1 of your sides. But you could also have green beans and mashed potatoes.

Very Late Term Abortions (up to age 15)
Fetuses are rarely annoying. However, sometimes a perfectly good infant grows into a teenage asshole.


THINGS I'M AGAINST

Hiking
It seems like people are always dying or getting lost, injured or stranded on hiking excursions. Expensive recovery teams - usually with helicopters - have to be sent out to rescue them or recover their bodies. Who are these morons who just have to go hiking? Get yourself a TV and a couch and stay home, like me.

Recycling
Give future generations a better world than I had? Why the hell would I want to do that?

Buffets
If I wanted to get my own food, I’d eat at home.

Restaurant booths
I have a 32” waist; other people are way fatter. Why would we want to sit the same distance from the table?

U2
They haven't had a good song in years. They're annoying. I wish Bon Jovi would smack the shit out of Bono.

Adults wearing sports jerseys
I have friends who wear them, mainly to sporting events. Still, that's no excuse. Unless you're 10 years old or you're actually Tony Romo, don't wear a Tony Romo jersey.

Post Office
What other business can raise their rates whenever they want with absolutely no repercussions?

Common names with uncommon spelling
If you’re going to name your kid Mark, spell it M-A-R-K, not M-A-R-C or M-A-R-H-W-Q. Don't make him go through life always having to correct the spelling of his name.

Marriage
It's the leading cause of divorce.