I think I want to drink myself to death

What is it about movies that negatively portray drinking that makes me WANT to drink?

Last night I watched "Pollock" which is about artist Jackson Pollock and his struggle with alcoholism that led to his death. Even though the movie shows alcohol destroying his life, I still got the urge to drink. So that's what I did.

The same thing happens whenever I watch "Leaving Las Vegas." Nicholas Cage gets drunk and vomits and I feel like having a beer. Since I'm on the subject, what I really like about that movie is a guy can be a disgusting alcoholic, drinking himself to death, and still get a piece of ass like Elisabeth Shue. By the way, I'd also like to see the Vegas hooker who looks like her.

Today in history

1846 - A heavy snowfall trapped the Donner Party in the Sierra Nevada mountains.

What the hell went on last night?

I'm drinking, then I'm passed out for a while. I'm drinking again, and then I'm sleeping in bed. I get up, drink again, pass out. Lather, rinse, repeat. I'm pouring another screwdriver, I'm passed out on the couch. I wake up, it's 5:00am, I go to bed.

Now it's 10:00am and I finally pull myself out of bed. The actual details of the night are foggy, which is probably for the best.

I'm drinking like it's 1986

20 minutes ago I was passed out on my couch - too much vodka and too many episodes of "I Love the 80s 3D" on VH1.

I'm lying on my bed when it hits me: What the hell am I doing? I'm no fag! The drinking MUST continue!

So, the drinking continues and, thanks to the magic of DVRs, so does "I Love the 80s 3D."

New Artist Curse

I've heard of the Grammy's New Artist "curse" but never really looked into it until I had a couple hours to kill today at work. There appears to be something to it, as a lot of the award's winners didn't top the charts for long.

Best New Artists 1980-1999:

1980 - Rickie Lee Jones (info)
Who the hell is Rickie Lee Jones?

1981 - Christopher Cross (info)
Mysteriously he later reemerged as teenage rap duo Kriss Kross.




1982 - Sheena Easton (info)
I remember she was in a few episodes of "Miami Vice."

1983 - Men at Work (info)
In the U.S. their first album sold 6 million copies. Second album - 3 million. Third album - 500,000. I think you see where this is going.

1984 - Culture Club (info)
Boy George still makes headlines: 13 bags of cocaine found in Boy George's apartment

1985 - Cyndi Lauper (info)
She's been onboard Cher's never-ending farewell tour a few times and has a new album coming out that will contain new versions of her hit songs and duets with huge stars like Kelly Osbourne.

1986 - Sade (info)
AOL Music says in 2001 she embarked on her first tour in more than a decade, selling out countless dates across America. Hmm...I must have been out of America during this time.

1987 - Bruce Hornsby & The Range (info)
"Bruce Hornsby remains a musician more concerned with his devoted fan base and his own growth as an artist than with commercial success." Yeah, sure, whatever.

1988 - Jody Watley (info)
Billboard Magazine ranks her the #144 most successful R&B artist of all time. Is that good? She has sold over 20 million records, so I guess it is. Oh, and her sister is a porn star.

1989 - Tracy Chapman (info)
Back then I didn't know whether she was a man or a woman. I'm not sure I ever found out.




1990 - Milli Vanilli (info)
Award was revoked after lip-synching scandal. Milli or Vanilli later overdosed and died.

1991 - Mariah Carey (info)
She has somehow managed to resurrect her career after her meltdown.

1992 - Marc Cohn (info)
He did recently get his name in the news by getting shot in the head.

1993 - Arrested Development (info)
I just read that, while they have struggled to regain a following in the U.S., they have met with moderate and consistent success in Japan. So they're doing just fine.

1994 - Toni Braxton (info)
I know nothing about her. I guess she still has some sort of career.

1995 - Sheryl Crow (info)
She luckily avoided the curse.

1996 - Hootie & The Blowfish (info)
Poor Hootie wasn't so lucky.

1997 - LeAnn Rimes (info)
She's still around, I guess. But it's country music, so who cares?

1998 - Paula Cole (info)
I could not name a Paula Cole song, to save my life.

1999 - Lauryn Hill (info)
See Paula Cole.

Baseball Manager or Drug Lord?

I know I'm not the first person to realize this but is White Sox skipper Ozzie Guillen really Cuban drug lord Tony Montana?

Can you tell which of these clips is an Ozzie Guillen interview?

Audio clip 1
Audio clip 2

Another Work-From-Home-Friday

Today is the first Work-From-Patio-Friday of the season. It's a perfect 71 degrees right now.

I got drunk last night. Girlfriend Melissa met me at the bar after she got off work. After a few drinks there, we returned to my place. Since the only dinner I had was a few beers and four whiskey-7 UPs, I got the munchies. While waiting for my microwave burrito to cook I poured a can of Pringles into my mouth.

Then I grabbed another beer and hit the recliner. I apparently fell asleep and Melissa took the bottle out of my hand and put it on the table. Then I go through the whole "Hey-why-did-you-do-that?-I-can-finish-it" thing but fell asleep again. I eventually just went to bed.

Nice way to spend an anniversary night, don't you think?

Today in history

1919 - Prohibition begins. People were able to get a doctor's prescription for 'medicinal booze.' How great would it be to have one of those now? Blue Cross Blue Shield could pay for my alcohol!

1955 - Bill Gates was born. Happy 50th! Only 15 more years till you can start collecting Social Security.

Drinking = no kids

Heavy drinking may harm male hormones, sperm

The first line of the article reads: "Problem drinking may dampen both a man's sex life and his chances of having children..."

Problem drinking = no kids.

Someone get me a beer!

Drunken Anniversary

Today is girlfriend Melissa's and my anniversary, sort of. We met one year ago tonight at a bar. Since right now I can't see myself ever getting married, today will have to serve as our official anniversary. I was wasted drunk that night, which is when I am most charming.

She has to work tonight so I plan on celebrating by getting drunk by myself.


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Perverted HNT

I, again, dug into my archives for this week's entry.

There is no nudity in this photo (as far as you can tell). It's just me having a good time with my friend's daughter's new toy.



Here's what she looked like when I was done:



Guidelines for "Half-Nekkid Thursday"

Breaking (yet obvious) News

WNBA Player is Gay

Wouldn't a more news-making story be "WNBA Player Not Gay"?

Don't do it

DON'T CLICK HERE

I MEAN IT!

YOU'LL REGRET IT!

80's TV Commercials

I just wasted the last 20 minutes of my life watching these commercials. Now I got that damn Juicy Fruit song stuck in my head.

20,000 Visitors!

Visitor #20,000 was someone from San Lorenzo, CA. Give me your address and I'll send you your free steak knives.

Today in history

1928 - Marion Ross was born. Happy birthday, Mrs. C!

1955 - The microwave oven was introduced in Mansfield, Ohio at the corporate headquarters of the Tappan Company. The manufacturer put a $1,200 price tag on the new stove that could cook eggs in 22 seconds, bacon in 90 seconds.

1986 - New Jersey-based rock band Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet hit #1 in the U.S., where it stayed for 8 weeks.

Rest in peace Rosa Parks

Civil rights icon Rosa Parks dies at 92

I never really understood her situation. When I was in high school it was cool to sit in the back of the bus. Only nerds sat in the front.

Oh, please let this be true

Is Britney's marriage on the rocks?

The best part of the article is that Kevin Federline is partnering with Michael Jackson's dad to open a dance studio. Truly a great business mind.

Today in history

1972 - Scott Peterson was born in San Diego. Happy birthday buddy!

Goddamn Ticketmaster!

I ordered Bon Jovi tickets today. The concert is on March 9th. Why the hell do tickets go on sale over four months before the concert? Those Bon Jovi guys aren't spring chickens. They may not even be alive in four months.

Also, the ticket price is $79.95 but I paid $95.55. Why? Because of the $5.05 Building Facility Charge and the $10.55 Convenience Charge. What the hell is convenient about that?

The real crime here

Mom Charged With Tossing Her Kids in Bay

Ok, she threw her kids into the bay. That's pretty bad. But I am not about to overlook her other atrocity.

As you may or may not have read (odds are you didn't) in 101 things about me, I hate when parents give kids strange names or choose unorthodox spellings of common names (#50). This mother did both when she named her children Taronta, Treyshun and Joshoa. The first two violate the "strange" rule while Joshoa would have been constantly correcting people who spelled his name J-o-s-h-u-a. But I guess mom made sure he'll never have to worry about that.

Gavin Degraw is not horrible

I survived last night's Gavin Degraw concert. It actually wasn't that bad. Although I had only vaguely heard of a couple of his songs, none of them were horrible.

I felt old, as most of the crowd was made up of teenage girls and girls in their low-20s. At one point, Gavin walked through the crowd as he sang. A large group of girls mobbed him, shrieking in excitement. In the back of the group was a young guy, jumping up and down, also shrieking. I had to pull him aside and say: "C'mon, man. What are you doing?"

After the concert, girlfriend and I walked around the state fair. Luckily I wasn't stabbed even once and was only shot at a couple of times.

No more questions please.

Last night while drinking, girlfriend asked me a strange question. She's dangerously close to losing her question-asking privileges.

Click image to see how it ends.

Bald HNT

I went bald for Halloween a few years ago. Not sure what look I was going for - Bruce Willis, Homer Simpson, Paul Shaffer maybe. It was just one of those skull caps though. I ain't crazy!



Guidelines for "Half-Nekkid Thursday"

Yo Adrian! Where are my teeth?

Sylvester Stallone to reprise 'Rocky' role 30 years on

I liked this headline

click image to enlarge

Today in history

1812 - Napoleon's French forces began their retreat out of Russia after a month of chasing the retreating Russian army




1849 - Elizabeth Blackwell became 1st woman in US to receive medical degree

Ok, you've gotta be fuckin' kidding me

Antonio Banderas Gets Star on Walk of Fame

The Walk of Fame must now stretch all the way to San Francisco for this guy to get a star. Congratulations Zorro!

Desperado

I managed to get a ticket to last night's Eagles concert for free. A friend bought tickets a couple months ago and, somehow, forgot when the show was and had to scramble to find people to go. So I scored a last second invitation.

I can now add the Eagles to my list of "old people" concerts. They are in very elite company with the likes of Air Supply and Chicago. I wonder if Foreigner is coming to town anytime soon.

This show was different than most concerts I attend. There was no pyro, nothing exploded. My eardrums didn't rupture. I didn't see a single fat chick wearing spandex. But the beer tasted the same and I still had to use the bathroom about a dozen times.


The Eagles attract a slightly older crowd.