These are a few of my favorite things

I don't give a fuck about whiskers on kittens.

Vodka in Red Bull and strippers on cocaine;
Whiskey at night and beer in the morning;
Work-from-home-Fridays with no real working;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Porn on the web and ugly divorces;
X-rated movies and legalized whores;
DUI reduced to reckless driving;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Outback Steakhouse's Alaskan King Crab;
Friends that I drink with who pick up the tab;
When people die while they are hiking;
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the kids scream;
When the wives bitch;
When I'm feeling sad;
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.