Thursday, March 17, 2005

To kill your wife or not to kill your wife

That is the question.

O.J. Simpson - not guilty
Scott Peterson - guilty
Robert Blake - not guilty

Using those three high-profile cases as a barometer, it seems that 66% of the time, it would a good idea to kill your wife.

If you decide to go this route, here's a few tips that may help you out.

What to do:

Say things that you would never say if you were truly guilty. Robert Blake claims that his wife was shot in his car while he was fetching his gun. Brilliant!

Make sure your wife comes off as a really annoying, manipulative bitch.

If you can afford to assemble a legal dream team of the most expensive, high-powered lawyers in the country, that would probably be a good idea.

Drown her in your swimming pool. Did anyone really ever investigate William Shatner for that?

What not to do:

As police are preparing to arrest you, don't get caught attempting to flee the country with a bunch of cash and your hair died a different color.

Make sure your wife doesn't come off as sweet and adorable. Oh yeah - don't make her pregnant before killing her.

Don't try to hire hitmen to knock off your wife. The prosecution will probably call them as witnesses. Robert Blake did it and he got off, but I just can't see that working out every time.

While police are still investigating your wife's murder, take a little time off from your mistress.

0 COMMENTS: